Comedy Routine
May 4, 2006
Hi, I’m Wayne. I’m a codependent and a nicotine addict.
(cup ear & motion to crowd to elicit the AA response)
Not many recovering alchys in this bar I guess.
***
I’m involved in 12 Step work…it’s kind of like dancing…
(eyes drift off in thought)
no…it’s nothing like dancing.
But I suck at that too. Could I get a beer?
Oh yeah…I quit drinking.
***
I’m here to support my literary mentor, Alliee. She’s a hoot.
I miss the writer’s group she hosts.
And every time I do they fine me five bucks! Brutal!
***
But really, I like to mess with words. (pause)
You can totally abuse them and they won’t say a thing.
***
But yeah, I like to switch words or letters around so they sound like something else.
Oh hey…ya wanna see my butt…belkel? ‘Butt Belkel’…‘Belt buckle’
(show buckle)
I got this ‘Keep On Truckin’’ one at the flea market.
***
Yeah, I’m an old hippy. That was a bummer too. My parents wouldn’t let me have long hair. Then when I could it all fell out.
***
When I was in high school my step-brother and I dropped acid and came up with a phrase that described how we were both feeling. The truth is we forgot how to talk. Our entire vocabulary leaked out of our heads except for 2 words: ‘ornery biscuit’. That’s all we could say. I think it laced with strychnine.
We were too pasted to really talk anyway…we just leaned against the wall of this church and watched a row of trees turn into a giant paisley dragon.
I guess nobody saw us. The pastor didn’t say anything about it in church that Sunday.
This is Coz (short for Cosby). I was going to rename him 'Solomon' or 'Methusela', but I guess he'll just remain Coz for now. That's because I have to get rid of him. Lisa thought she could put up with me having it even though she's really not fond of reptiles. But it turns out that she's REALLY not happy REALLY NOT AT ALL happy with them...it's got to go! Anyone want to buy a cool snake? $100.00.
