Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Fasting for Freedom

I'm a slave. I think we all are, really. And, though it may sound strange, we should be slaves. But it's to whom (or what), and by what arrangement that we're enslaved that determines whether this is a good or a bad thing.

I used to be a slave of sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. Now I have sex in the context of the mysterious love-covenant with my beautiful wife to express and enhance the devine intimacy that we share. I use ibuprofin at the slightest hint of cranial discomfort because I'm a weenie when it comes to headaches. I still LOVE rock 'n' roll, but I couldn't tell you which songs top the charts in the various genres of rock music. I mostly listen to K-Love and Air1 and occasionally listen to ChristianRock.net on my computer.

But was I ever really a slave of those external manifestations? Not really. I went through a 'program' to get 'recovery'. It was very helpful. My life changed dramatically and permanently. I don't live in pursuit of those things that were destroying my life before, and I am now much more myself, more the person God created me to be, than I ever was before. But I'm still a slave.
I'm a slave...but it's different now. I've left Egypt and watched Pharaoh's armies drown in the Red Sea of the blood of Christ. I'm no longer Pharaoh's slave. There, in Egypt, I was an unwilling slave. There, I toiled day after day to build a kingdom that was not my homeland. I served a king who did not love me; who only gave me lots of abuse and just enough of what I really need to keep me a barely functioning unit in the labor pool. Now, I'm a willing slave...the 'bond-slave' of a Benevolent King: the King of Kings. I'm a free man, but I chose to be a subject of, and a slave to, the Lord of Lords.

But the journey out of Egypt into the Promised Land is a faith journey. Like the Children of Israel, I wander in a desert and occasionally get to visit the place of which I'm a naturalized citizen. I hold documents that prove that I'm a citizen of that place, but I don't see the full benefits of that citizenship except by faith.

So I experience that I am in a struggle with invisible enemies who would like to capture and return me to Egypt. Now, in addition to my oath to serve my Master, my Savior, I also find that I am still at least partially a slave to some invisible dark forces. I have the documents to prove that I'm a free man, but I am not yet able to experience fully that freedom. I now appear to be enslaved to food. I often eat 'recreationally', even though I know that I don't need another cookie or bowl of ice cream and that it will not have a positive effect on my well being...just an endorphin rush. I'm also a slave to unfruitful 'busyness' and a lack of self-discipline. When I should be passionately seeking access to the presence of my Almighty Benefactor, I become distracted over word studies or find my thoughts drifting off to some imaginary role playing with a person in my life to whom I don't have the guts to say what I see myself telling them in my mind's eye.

What's the answer? I know that my Liberator has triumphed over death, over darkness, over every force that would delight in my demise. But there is a secret to this journey that I'm beginning to understand. Apparently, I'm a hemophiliac. I hemorrhage at the slightest prick or nick of my fragile epithelium. I am in constant need of a blood transfusion. I'm in constant need of close proximity to the healing power of the Great Physician. My new job as his bond-slave is to work triage in his Love Clinic. There are sick and dying people all around me, but I'm helpless to do anything to alleviate their suffering or prevent their certain death if I'm not filled with the Divine Fluid which supplies the life force that these expiring souls so desperately require. I must be filled with His Presence. I must be filled with His Love. I must be 'being filled' with those absolutely, critically essential resources continuously and in increasing measure. This will not only counteract my natural tendency to slip back into decay and decomposition, but it will begin to reverse the grip and power of death that is affecting the other patients in this huge emergency room.

But here is where I currently find myself in need of some extraordinary measures. I, like the man in the parable of the Pearl of Great Price, must put the highest value on pressing into God's presence. My soul is not by nature comfortable in the presence of the Divine Glory. Like Isaiah and many others, when confronted with the holiness of the Almighty, my entire being wants to evaporate and avoid His blinding brilliance. I am profoundly aware of my unworthiness to be in His presence. But, ironically, it's exactly there, in his presence, that I need to be. I need to allow his glory to burn away all of the impurities in my life, and allow him to transform all that has been marred by the fall, by my sin, into that which was his original design; into that which is able to reflect and transmit his redeeming Love and Grace to a world full of desperate souls. Apparently, I need to starve my soul so that my spirit can more easily connect with God's Spirit. I need to reclaim the sense of wonder and the childlike faith, love and devotion that I had when I first experienced the overwhelming grace and love of Jesus. I've become too enmeshed in the trappings of this physical existence and too much a stranger to the Invisible Kingdom which is my true homeland.

I need to fast and pray. This isn't my guilty way of 'earning' God's favor. I know that I'm loved and accepted in spite of my unworthiness. This is what I believe the Spirit is speaking to my heart. And obedience is better than sacrifice. But boy oh boy is it hard for me to bring myself to do it! I made it until dinner yesterday, but I think I need to engage in an extended fast.

Peas & Grays,
Wayniack!